True Identity
A Reflection by Fred Schaeffer, OFS
You hear teenagers, people in their twenties and sometimes later, speak of "trying to find their identity. I was living a contemplative life as a Monk at the time I first began this reflection when I was reading Thomas Merton’s "New Seeds of Contemplation," where he says: "Even when I try to please God, I tend to please my own ambition, His enemy. There can be imperfection even in the ardent love of great perfection, even in the desire of virtue, of sanctity. Even the desire of contemplation can be impure, when we forget that true contemplation means the complete destruction of all selfishness-the most pure poverty and cleanness of heart."
Here began my search for my identity. Trying to find one's true self ... that's what this is all about. Merton says: "Our true self is, then, the self that receives freely and gladly the missions that are God's supreme gift to His sons. Any other 'self' is only an illusion."
This is heady stuff. I'm not sure I totally understand it, but I do know that in order for God to increase in me, I have to decrease. Merton writes: "In order to know and love God as He is, we must have God dwelling in us in a new way, not only in His creative power but in His mercy, not only in His greatness but in His littleness, by which He empties Himself, and comes down to us to be empty in our emptiness and so fill us with His fullness." As we discover God, we learn of His discovery of us. "We become contemplatives when God discovers Himself in us." (This relationship is a gift from God).
I was first introduced to contemplation when I was with the Capuchin Franciscans for a short time, in my early twenties. I've spent about 10 years in various Orders, the last one an Order of Monks, 4.5 years where I left in 2002. Many years later, I became a Secular Franciscan (1992), professed 1994. Secular Franciscans, in their Rule 8, "As Jesus was the true worshipper of the Father, so let prayer and contemplation be the soul of all they are and do..." Now, thirty-two years later, Jesus is with me all the time. I am not lonely anymore, and I am not seeking for the meaning of life. I’ve found it, and I hope you will find fulfillment in your daily life, too.
May the Lord bless you and keep you, stay healthy please
Peace and Good,
Fred